Thursday, August 25, 2005

I have an interesting friend. Lets call this friend 'A'. (Note to Ting: ;) hehe)

Sometimes we are friends, sometimes we don't talk to each other for months on end.

It's not because we can't communicate, more to the point: I want to ignore A.
I'm not sure why, but I know for a fact that A and I either get along very well like 2 peas in a pod (ie-laugh like crazy at the same stupid things) or piss each other off so much that I wonder why the hell we're even friends in the first place!

You see, A has a really immature personality. I don't understand why A can be SO immature! I mean, you'd think that by the time you turned 22, you would have learnt all the social ettiques to be sensitive and not overstep the line. You see, A doesn't know where the line ends, A just keeeeeeps on going and going...Perhaps A is so insecure that ridicule of others is a way to help A's self esteem, or perhaps A always has something personal against me.

Our friendship is so weird. I've known A for 6 years. Our times together consist of occasional catching up, sharing chocolates/icecream, telling each other funny accounts or personal thoughts while sitting on a park bench. Sometimes I still don't understand what ticks in A's mind. Several months ago A sent me a Tshirt that says 'I'm so self centered I'm the centre of the universe', attached was a rock A brought back from Queensland as a souvenior-apparently the rock reminded A of me. I thought that it was pretty funny actually, I liked the present even though it was kinda kooky. A loves to bag me, which is fine and funny most of the time, but A doesn't stop, even if I show signs of getting annoyed. I've never really been a fan of razor mouths. Sure, A brought up a few of my shortcomings I admit I do have. I appreciated that sort of feedback, but in some areas A gives me way too little credit for.

The other day A asked me blatantly out of the blue, "would you lend me a few thousand dollars, would ya, would ya??" A then resumed a mocking expression that confused me whether or not A was joking or for real. The look A gave said, "Oh I don't think you would so I just wanna mock you to prove my point." Honestly, if A genuinely asked me that A was strapped for cash and needed my help, I would not hesitate to contribute. Dad always taught me how important it is to help a friend in need. I'd like to think I have managed to maintain a few genuine friendships this lifetime.

But after A's intimidating expression, A morphed into a stranger. I didn't know what to answer, whether to play along with the humour or be serious about it. So I smiled with, "we'll see, it depends." A then exclaimed, "come on, lend me money, 2 thousand? 3 thousand? you make your pick! Come on gimme 3 thousand, how about 4 thousand??" Why the hell was A making this sound like a bid? It was getting alittle ridiculous. Just was I considered how much I would lend, I realised my stupidity, that I was falling into a trap in a game A enjoys to play. Of all the good come-backs, momentarily I couldn't think of any. A enjoyed seeing me awkward and quickly added, "I'm only mucking around with ya, I dont' need money, if I did I would ask my REAL friends. You're not just a tightass, you're a super tightass." A then continued to laugh at me, looking smug for the next few minutes. A enjoyed seeing me awkward alot, perhaps it generates power.

Funny thing is, before the incidence we were chatting like normal friends, about travel and future plans. That completely off-hand comment came out of nowhere-A didnt' even give me a chance to explain! It happened before though, A is like that. A claimed later that A was not being serious during that little episode and apologised later calling it a 'misunderstanding' via SMS, but I was offended. Thing is, I want to be comfortable with my friends, especially close ones, I don't want to be guarded/alert for the 'next time' my friend derive pleasure from my aparent discomfort. There you go, joking I'm tight was ok and harmless, but commenting with the goal to undermine the value of our friendship, and my core principal values, well that's a different story.

I've typed too much. Urgh, gotta get away from this computer screen. Goodnight.

xiao ying @ 5:10 PM.