Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Rollercoaster ride of emotion today was like tasting the different spices of extremes. Firey red color filled with worry and anger turning into pure bright yellow of relief and joy, pink ecstatic happiness mellowed into a soft blue state of solitary contemplation...

Soundtracks of Jewel accompanies me tonight , carrying my thoughts miles away, to another universe and another lifetime. After reflecting, I think I like my life.

Hm...I suppose that's a good revealation. Hehe. Good to be in a healthy state of mind I suppose. I'm still perplexed why I can be so volatile and changeable. I doubt a rope can hold me down, I want to be so carefree right now, like a bright red ballon released and floating up into the blue blue sky.

Got sick the other day, felt so awful, the world spun as I turned into a new shade of white. I felt like vomiting on my patient-not a good look! I thought about Neil and about how tough it must have been for him to get struck down by a flu for a few days. When you are on your own in a different country away from family, you just have to learn to look after yourself. I clearly remember once I sat on one of the platforms at Melbourne Central station, chatting to an overseas friend who was studying at Melb Uni at the time. We laughed about the fun things you could do when you lived on your own-without the watchful eyes of your parents. But then I noticed his eyes trailing the passing train and as he mentioned that the worst part of living on your own is when you fall sick...and despite the high pitched beeping of the closing train door I heard a distinctive sigh. For a few seconds I caught a glimpse into the mindset of a lonely soul.

I guess it's times when you are in need of comfort that you yearn for home. Neil used to tell me that when he has high fever, he wishes he's a little kid again, when his mother would put a wet cloth on his burning forehead and check his temperature every now and then. Hm, all these thinking are preparing me to be ready to leave home. I know, I'm spoilt with comfort at the moment. Haha, other people probably think I must take so many things for granted. How stupid I am, to leave home and go through all that trouble of setting off to another country. Oh well, it's what I want to do I suppose.

Here I am again, infront of the computer screen and not wanting to leave...So many thoughts and so much emotion. Oh well, I suppose I'll take them to bed and dream of something interesting for my next blog entry. Haha.


xiao ying @ 9:29 PM.