Saturday, January 14, 2006

For the second morning in a row I woke up confused about where I was. Both mornings I dreamt that I was back home in Melbourne before the alarm clock went off. It was always about my family, our family business and the anxieties associated with it. Last night I dreamt vividly about the ability to change the future by going back to the past. Exciting and surreal, it's as if I discovered I possess powers like the guy in 'the butterfly effect'. I remember breathing a deep sigh of relief when my parents regained their Seaford Milkbar and that they were stable and at peace again. I pray that soon they will find a successful business.

I wake up to Neil's voice every morning, stored in a form of a cute cartoon rat alarm clock. Hearing his voice in the brings a sense of warmth and reminds me of those good old Melbourne days when we would spend hours of idle times together, sharing almost everything. Since the day we seperated I found myself going through bouts of crying spells, it was embarrassing, even my colleagues saw my red eyes. The first week was the hardest, that was when I got so wrecked with fever I hardly had the energy to get out of bed. Nowadays, I would occassionally feel a pang of loneliness, but I have learnt to handle things on my own and develope that extra layer of skin. It's a steep learning curve becoming totally self dependent in a different country, but deep inside I know it's good for me.

Being single all of a sudden feels strange.

Suddenly I'm getting lots of male attention again, guys from all walks of life wanting my number, dine and dance with me. They like my 'proper' english and chinese accent, does that make me exotic? lol. I suppose it's flattering in way, but it's far from the stability and comfort of being with that special someone. I'm taking care of myself better nowadays, my cooking has improved and I stick to healthy food with plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. I exercise regularly and signed up with a fitness center. In addition to looking better and possessing more energy, I'm discovering a whole new world of meditation, yoga and relaxation. I party hard when I want to, going to new clubs in town and reaping the benefits of 'ladies night' when I can go in for free.
Best part of being young, healthy and free? You can do whatever you like. The world is truly yours to explore and you spend your time however way you want it.

Somehow I feel lucky.

xiao ying @ 1:17 PM.