Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Outside, the world is colored grey and blue. Raindrops run their courses jaggedly down the train window, merging with hundreds of other raindrops they bump on their way. Stepping out, you can feel the chill hurting your ears. The wind from Antarctica made people huddled like penguins under the platform shelters, wearing their tired expressions, monotonous like their long black and grey coats...
Yet amongst the scene of the drizzling rain, a brief moment of winter sun appeared from beneath heavy clouds adding an unnatural golden glow to the scene. Strange how perspectives can change just like that. A spectacular giant rainbow stretched across the sky behind the weary passengers. The scene before me suddenly looked so weirdly ironic that it made me smile. Pausing only briefly, I hurried home.

xiao ying @ 7:33 PM.


Monday, August 29, 2005

Many people think that clubbing is a meat market, a place to pickup. For guys, it has the perfect environment for that extra boost of confidence with the influence of alcohol (as the night wears on, guys get horny and girls get easy right?). Under that dim lighting, any guy/girl would look attractive, no matter how much pimple or how many layers of makeup they wear!! Oh and don't forget those alcohol goggles for that added 'oomph' to the attractive scale.
Ok, so you've studied/worked all week, you want to get smashed/stoned, dance and chat up to the next available hot sexy specimen next to ya-perhaps then get lucky and score a night of hot passion?
Ahem, clarification: the above view appears to be the general concensus in the western world, NOT my view/or the reason why I enjoy clubbing :P May I also add that I have no objection against people who do possess that view, as people are entitled to their own opinions.
A friend told me once that he felt quite 'green' after his first clubbing experience. For those not used to the dancing, the thumping music and the picking up, I guess it can be quite draining or exhausting. People get smashed so they can losen their inhibitions and do whatever they want right? Maybe there is a devil that sit on the shoulders of many, even the most innocent types, and whispers temptations dictated by their hormones. But what of the consequences? What about that scenario of waking up to this really ugly person and a head full of regrets? Lol, I know that I wouldnt' do that because I already have a boyfriend. Besides, most of the strangers that approach you in clubs seem sleazy and kinda creepy anyway. They either try to grab your waist, or try to shout some lame pickup lines. I had a friend who tried to pick up a girl by saying she has 'nice teeth' (why on early he picked teeth I have no idea). The girl couldn't hear him properly, so he shouted the same pickup line 3 times over the thumping music. I cracked up when he told me this and said he's lucky he didnt' get slapped. (Imagine at 2am you have a guy screaming 'you have nice tits' at you, hm, then again maybe by then you wouldn't mind).
Asking around my guy friends, I was surprised to hear that with 100% certainty, guys go clubbing to pick up girls. Although this may apply to many girls as well, I doubt the percentage is that high. I know for a fact that myself and a few gal pals enjoy the atmosphere purely because of the music and the company of a small circle of friends. Seriously! Sometimes when I hear a groovy RnB tune in my MP3 player on my way to work, I have this impulse to dance to the music. I guess girls have the advantage of being able to dance with other girls without looking stupid, while boy on boy action is the less socially acceptable norm.

xiao ying @ 7:53 PM.


Thursday, August 25, 2005

Shocked? Don't worry it's not my nude picture, just a model I drew in one of those life drawing classes. (Hands up to the boys who want to join my next class ;) )

xiao ying @ 8:07 PM.


I have an interesting friend. Lets call this friend 'A'. (Note to Ting: ;) hehe)

Sometimes we are friends, sometimes we don't talk to each other for months on end.

It's not because we can't communicate, more to the point: I want to ignore A.
I'm not sure why, but I know for a fact that A and I either get along very well like 2 peas in a pod (ie-laugh like crazy at the same stupid things) or piss each other off so much that I wonder why the hell we're even friends in the first place!

You see, A has a really immature personality. I don't understand why A can be SO immature! I mean, you'd think that by the time you turned 22, you would have learnt all the social ettiques to be sensitive and not overstep the line. You see, A doesn't know where the line ends, A just keeeeeeps on going and going...Perhaps A is so insecure that ridicule of others is a way to help A's self esteem, or perhaps A always has something personal against me.

Our friendship is so weird. I've known A for 6 years. Our times together consist of occasional catching up, sharing chocolates/icecream, telling each other funny accounts or personal thoughts while sitting on a park bench. Sometimes I still don't understand what ticks in A's mind. Several months ago A sent me a Tshirt that says 'I'm so self centered I'm the centre of the universe', attached was a rock A brought back from Queensland as a souvenior-apparently the rock reminded A of me. I thought that it was pretty funny actually, I liked the present even though it was kinda kooky. A loves to bag me, which is fine and funny most of the time, but A doesn't stop, even if I show signs of getting annoyed. I've never really been a fan of razor mouths. Sure, A brought up a few of my shortcomings I admit I do have. I appreciated that sort of feedback, but in some areas A gives me way too little credit for.

The other day A asked me blatantly out of the blue, "would you lend me a few thousand dollars, would ya, would ya??" A then resumed a mocking expression that confused me whether or not A was joking or for real. The look A gave said, "Oh I don't think you would so I just wanna mock you to prove my point." Honestly, if A genuinely asked me that A was strapped for cash and needed my help, I would not hesitate to contribute. Dad always taught me how important it is to help a friend in need. I'd like to think I have managed to maintain a few genuine friendships this lifetime.

But after A's intimidating expression, A morphed into a stranger. I didn't know what to answer, whether to play along with the humour or be serious about it. So I smiled with, "we'll see, it depends." A then exclaimed, "come on, lend me money, 2 thousand? 3 thousand? you make your pick! Come on gimme 3 thousand, how about 4 thousand??" Why the hell was A making this sound like a bid? It was getting alittle ridiculous. Just was I considered how much I would lend, I realised my stupidity, that I was falling into a trap in a game A enjoys to play. Of all the good come-backs, momentarily I couldn't think of any. A enjoyed seeing me awkward and quickly added, "I'm only mucking around with ya, I dont' need money, if I did I would ask my REAL friends. You're not just a tightass, you're a super tightass." A then continued to laugh at me, looking smug for the next few minutes. A enjoyed seeing me awkward alot, perhaps it generates power.

Funny thing is, before the incidence we were chatting like normal friends, about travel and future plans. That completely off-hand comment came out of nowhere-A didnt' even give me a chance to explain! It happened before though, A is like that. A claimed later that A was not being serious during that little episode and apologised later calling it a 'misunderstanding' via SMS, but I was offended. Thing is, I want to be comfortable with my friends, especially close ones, I don't want to be guarded/alert for the 'next time' my friend derive pleasure from my aparent discomfort. There you go, joking I'm tight was ok and harmless, but commenting with the goal to undermine the value of our friendship, and my core principal values, well that's a different story.

I've typed too much. Urgh, gotta get away from this computer screen. Goodnight.

xiao ying @ 5:10 PM.


Tuesday, August 23, 2005

I just had my hair permed!!
From a straight hair gal all my life to a head full of frizz and volume in a matter of 3 hours. What a change, what an impulsive on-the-spot decision. I wasn't sure whether I was feeling ecstatic or depressed after handing over 100$ of cold hard cash to make my hair look even more like the end of a broomstick-frayed and dry like straw. Well, at least my hair doesn't stick to my head like a flat piece of rag like it used to...haha!
Well, actually my hair ain't that bad. once upon a time it used to be glossy, smooth long and black. But gee, so much money to be spent on beauty these days!! A girl has to sacrifice so much money for looks, what has this society come down to. tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk

(photo: my new hairstyle)

xiao ying @ 8:41 PM.


Saturday, August 20, 2005

Time spent with close friends is one of those things that can generate significant happiness in our lives! I caught up with Wendy last night, one of my closest friends in high school. I probably haven't seen her for more than a year, yet it was as if we hardly spent any time apart! We giggled and laughted like the old times, the warm freeling of connection and familiarity went down like that cup of warm chocolate caramel vanilla fudge I enjoyed with Neil at Cafe Crema. Suddenly time had warped back to those innocent Macrob school girl days, when we ran around in mini skirts (hitched up high) and pigtails, chasing boys (or running away from them) near the South Yarra Station.
I'm not just in awe of how quickly time flew and that I've practicallyl known them for almost a decade, I'm comforted by the thought that these friends will be my life-long friends. That no matter what happens in life, they will be around and our connection will be familiar as always, as if I've never left them.

xiao ying @ 9:32 PM.


Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I enjoy the sensation of seconds ticking by
while I float in a river of dreams
Collecting glittering stars and random thoughts
The pleasure of being idyl
content in the moment
uninterrupted peace and blissful jazz
drowned in the intoxication of red wine
a touch of dim lighting
and a time space of nothingness
A simple existence

xiao ying @ 8:34 PM.


Sunday, August 14, 2005

总有一些时候 不希望被打扰
总有一些心情 不希望对人说明

I wonder why it is so easy to procrastinate at the end of the day.
Sitting here idle, I like daydreaming and enjoying the tranquility of the night. I know tomorrow morning I will once again wake up with a head full of curses asking myself why I didn't sleep any earlier. It's always a struggle to get up in the mornings, especially when the air outside is too cold and your body is still crying out for that extra half an hour of sleep. Yet the pattern repeats itself day after day. Time always feel so short when you start working (not during work though, hehe). It's because you really treasure those moments when you are free to do what you please, moments when you can live your life to the max.

This weekend was a blast!! Friday night my friends dragged me to the Monash-Melb uni dance competition. At medal presentation, surprisingly we all ended up with a few medals hanging from our necks, some with more than others ;). Still glowing from the rewards, we declared that night was still young as we headed to the ever so popular Nocturnal 24hr Italian restaurant-where we chatted into the wee hours of the morning.

Come saturday night and it was another crazy-not-sleeping-till 4am! This time I organised karaoke. Geez, belting out those high notes with intensity and passion was such a good release!! Haha, Especially when you have a room full of awsome singers, even if at times we sound crap we don't care coz we all laugh at ourselves anyway. Then I lazed around all day today procrastinating and watching 'LOST on DVD'.

Ahhh, gotta love the weekends! Aw, it's sunday night. Time to recharge myself from the 'physical toll' incurred over the weekend, time to face the music and get back to my dayjob. Boooooo...-_-**

xiao ying @ 9:58 PM.


Wednesday, August 10, 2005

It was sooo cold today. According to the news, today was the coldest winter in Melbourne since 1970. Can you believe that it actually snowed in the suburbs?!! Too bad I didn't get to see it! =(

Home was a welcoming sight after a hard day's work though, I felt the warmth as soon I stepped through the front door. Mum welcomed me with a smile, rushing off to heat up my dinner (yes I know I'm so lucky). I chatted to dad for awhile, and it amazed me how deep I was able to carry through the conversation.

So, here is another day, another typical day that flys by in a blur...I had an argument with neil today, it only lasted a few minutes, but god it was good to let all that steam out, and yell at each other. I don't think I've ever done that before in previous relationships. I've always been too polite, I guess that was something I would have improved on if I was ever to go back in time.

Sometimes random people I've crossed paths with in my life come floating into my mind when I least expect it. Like something so little, such as a familiar scent, or an item of clothing worn by fellow passengers on the train...they trigger a whole range of old memories. You begin to recall their faces and the way they interacted with you, you even miss them and wonder what they are doing right now with their lives. I always recalled those people who made me smile with a touch of affection and fondness. When I was a child mum used to tell me that when someone thinks of you, you can feel your ears heat up for no reason, or you get a tic on your upper eyelid. Haha, I wonder if they ever get that when I think of them? I wonder if these well wishes are ever heard? Perhaps they exist only as echoes for a brief second in one's mind, and then dissappear for eternity without ever reach that other person. I wonder if telepathy or that kinetic mental thingy is true. If it is, it'd be pretty cool.

Ah, I rambled too much. Gotta go now, else I'll grumble next morning for sleeping too little!

xiao ying @ 9:49 PM.


Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Above is a photo of my friends and I throwing a surprise dance show for a friend's 21st, thought we'd pull off that coordinated red top and short black skirt thingy...

It's been so long since the last time I typed in this blog! Well, not that it matters anyway... Latin dancing is so fun!! It's been such a long time since I've really practised, been in hibernation for the past few months I guess...

Oh and karaoke too, need to organise that. What else? Dance comp....x_x!!
Great catching up with my new-found camp friends lately, been to bars, clubs, dinners, galleries together. Apparently some are going to paintball, but I don't think i can make it... damn!
What a busy schedule! Anyway, gotta rush off for dance practice now!
It's back to one two, cha cha cha....and one and two and cha cha chaaaaa

xiao ying @ 7:27 PM.


Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Rollercoaster ride of emotion today was like tasting the different spices of extremes. Firey red color filled with worry and anger turning into pure bright yellow of relief and joy, pink ecstatic happiness mellowed into a soft blue state of solitary contemplation...

Soundtracks of Jewel accompanies me tonight , carrying my thoughts miles away, to another universe and another lifetime. After reflecting, I think I like my life.

Hm...I suppose that's a good revealation. Hehe. Good to be in a healthy state of mind I suppose. I'm still perplexed why I can be so volatile and changeable. I doubt a rope can hold me down, I want to be so carefree right now, like a bright red ballon released and floating up into the blue blue sky.

Got sick the other day, felt so awful, the world spun as I turned into a new shade of white. I felt like vomiting on my patient-not a good look! I thought about Neil and about how tough it must have been for him to get struck down by a flu for a few days. When you are on your own in a different country away from family, you just have to learn to look after yourself. I clearly remember once I sat on one of the platforms at Melbourne Central station, chatting to an overseas friend who was studying at Melb Uni at the time. We laughed about the fun things you could do when you lived on your own-without the watchful eyes of your parents. But then I noticed his eyes trailing the passing train and as he mentioned that the worst part of living on your own is when you fall sick...and despite the high pitched beeping of the closing train door I heard a distinctive sigh. For a few seconds I caught a glimpse into the mindset of a lonely soul.

I guess it's times when you are in need of comfort that you yearn for home. Neil used to tell me that when he has high fever, he wishes he's a little kid again, when his mother would put a wet cloth on his burning forehead and check his temperature every now and then. Hm, all these thinking are preparing me to be ready to leave home. I know, I'm spoilt with comfort at the moment. Haha, other people probably think I must take so many things for granted. How stupid I am, to leave home and go through all that trouble of setting off to another country. Oh well, it's what I want to do I suppose.

Here I am again, infront of the computer screen and not wanting to leave...So many thoughts and so much emotion. Oh well, I suppose I'll take them to bed and dream of something interesting for my next blog entry. Haha.


xiao ying @ 9:29 PM.