Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Only we ourselves know everything about our lives - even the tiniest secret, the tiniest emotion, and the little midnight thoughts. So who's to judge but us?"
That's a quote from one of my closest friends. I wish I can agree whole-heartedly, but deep down, despite my feeble efforts I know I'm influenced by the winds of social expectation.
Back into the sea of confusion where the creatures of the deep lie
sunshine dissappears and storm clouds gather
surprised by the thunder and the lightning strike
alone in the woods not a soul in sight
such hostile environment where can one hide?
My thoughts can be abstract and random, don't ask me what I'm describing, I can't be bothered to be truthful. I'm just expressing the real and the surreal, the mental landscape and the physical world. If only I have a paintbrush and a canvass, perhaps then I can express these thoughts and drown myself in my meditating hours of silence. Just me, relaxing music and a brush...
Sometimes I feel vulnerable, scaling mountains and climbing slippery rocks, moments when I would look down and see where the future will lie if that foot of mine slips any further down. The rapid is high and the slopes dangerous. Team spirit keeps everyone going, a smile, a handhold, quick grasp of hand when one slips down. It all makes a difference. A girl turned to me with bewildered eyes, "I just realised how life isn't all that simple." I enjoy group unity, perhaps that sense of belonging? People, people intrigue me. Merely a few months and I come across so many types. Human interaction makes one learn about one self better, correct? Sometimes I come face to face with my own insecurities and fears, in some ways I've learnt to deal with them better. Yet there is still fear. You slip and fall hard, you hope next time you cross the same path, you will not do the same, you hope you've learnt from your past errors. Subconsciously I think I'm searching, pondering, and wondering who "the one" may be. Sometimes I get disappointed, so tired, weariness stops me wanting to bother.
These days I wake up from abstract dreams. One of lying in a four-post bed with the sky as my ceiling, surrounded by European cathedrals. Crowds of strangers passed by like business people in a peak hour mrt station, grey, unfeeling, anonymous. I dreamt I met a guy who claimed he was Jay Chow (fav chinese pop idol), but I didn't believe him because he didn't look like Jay. When he sang to me, I was sitting on his bike and his voice was so amazing it lifted our bike high off the ground as if carried by magic. I woke up shivering in the middle of the night sensing someone tapping my tent, but there was no one but the rustling of leaves in the wind, songs from insects and the nearby flowing stream...
xiao ying @ 3:59 PM.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
I decided that it was time to venture deep into the jungles of Malaysia...Search on the internet and 1 phone call later, it was confirmed! How refreshing it was kicking off those high heels, handbags and skirts for a change, and putting on my liberating shorts, backpack and runners-ready to catch the public transport into Malaysia with 14 new friends from the local university!
Sure we were exhausted and hungry by the end, but boy did we have fun!!!
To check out the photos, visit recent shots under my photo album
xiao ying @ 3:14 PM.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
I don't need some guy to wine and dine me all the time I don't need someother guy to tell me I look fine I won't hear a lie even if it's all you have to say No more empty promises to keep me hanging on a line Just as themusic plays on and on each and every day Hey Hey There is no other waySimply smile a little smile for you No matter what you do Love yourself everyway Feeling good that's your natural right Love yourself every day Close your eyes feel the love inside You oughtta know by now baby Loving life isall you need to be a lady
On my way to feeling empty in a sea of people alone, melancholy was interupted by the upbeat lyrics of this song I heard on my mp3 player.
xiao ying @ 12:30 AM.
Friday, February 10, 2006
January came and went with the whiff of chinese new year firecrackers trailing behind, not to mention fun-filled memories, bloated tummies, sun-kissed (or burnt) skins, 400 photos, fatigue from late nights and sore throat from 20 hrs of karaoke.
Feburary marks the month of 'romance', with Valentine's day looming ahead, every shop is now screaming 'love' with roses teddies and hearts in red and pinks (you getting the idea now how the commercialised singapore works by taking advantage of every festival?) Even my fitness center is joining the spirit of things, now conducting classes with corny names such as 'latino lovers worker out', 'the cycle of love' or 'fight for love body combat'. Been out on several 'interesting' first dates so far, most turning out fairly ho hum or eyebrow raising (ie-disatrous, haha some juicy stories there but they're private for another time). I did meet this guy who seemed pretty decent. We click well and I actually enjoy his company. He's asked me to be his date for this year's valentine and I agreed.
Somedays you do wake up thinking the world is your oyster-with your independence, your youth and good health. Somedays, well, you wake up totally buggered from lack of sleep that you wish the world would just go away. Then you turn up to work with bags under your eyes and a sore throat irritated at every patient you see and staring at the clock for the shift to end. Lesson to be learnt? SLEEP MORE! Funny how I always curse myself for sleeping too late in the morning, and committing the same sin the night after...
Feburary hopeful also marks a month of making new friends, weekend trips to malaysia with university groups, friends visiting me from Australia, more photos, more exploration of south east asia, and hopefully more self discovery!! So far I'm learning lots, and discovering that there is so much more to learn.
xiao ying @ 2:42 PM.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
To check out more photos of the parade, click my recent shot under photoalbum
xiao ying @ 1:53 AM.
To view more photos: click
xiao ying @ 1:34 AM.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
xiao ying @ 1:41 AM.