Saturday, April 22, 2006

Standing to watch the sunset at Sentosa Island, Singapore

As Carrie would say, when one door closes, another window opens.

Now I'm standing at a crossroad again, struggling to make my decision.

These days a million and one things run their courses through my mind. Every waking hour, when I'm not interrupted by anything or doing my daily duties, I would be thinking, thinking and thinking...

I think the point when I realized I'm in love with Singapore was when I woke up from a dream 3 months ago, feeling relieved and flustered because I dreamed I was back in Australia, and luckily I wasn't. The new friends; the immense sense of freedom; the feeling of belonging in its culture; the energy and vibrancy...I have been embraced by sunshine and warmth, isn't that what I dreamt of when I planned this adventure? Yet sometimes one requires a reality check every now and then.

Most of the times, I'm stressed. Another time I would feel an immense sense of excitement of the road ahead, possibilities and opportunities shining brightly like a well paved path of gold. Another time I'd be gripped with fear, afraid of wrong decisions, and feeling that sense of doom and misadventure hanging over me. Isn't it meant to be an unfortunate year for those born in the year of the dog? Now I'm not superstitious or anything but recently stumbling blocks have made me think twice. I'm wearier. Today I couldn't help but feel tears burning down my cheeks. Sometimes I'd feel so sad, not willing to let go. I'm crying, even now. But sometimes in life, maybe you have to let go.

The moment I dared to jump off the cliff into the fresh clear water below; that sunny afternoon when I whipped out my bank card to make a large sum payment on my airfare ticket to Thailand...something shifted, and changed inside me. Someone close to my heart once told me that the way to self-discovery is pushing yourself beyond your usual boundaries. How true.

xiao ying @ 6:59 PM.