Tuesday, October 24, 2006


Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
! Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

xiao ying @ 9:00 PM.


Saturday, October 21, 2006

Feeling alittle down tonight, like I want to cry.
Don't quite know why.
I'm playing Dido now.
I saw a patient yesterday who was diagnosed with liver cancer and was told that she had 4 weeks left to live. She was only 40! To have survived the ordeal 1 year on and be present to tell me her incredibly touching story of survival and tremendously warm family support-I nearly lost it. I fought hard to blink away the tears.
Then I saw another patient who wanted contact lenses because she was attending her friend's wedding. I noticed on the record card that she's my age, and I asked whether she's married too. She is infact, with 2 kids with her eldest son 4 years of age! Damn I felt so old. (Welcome to Bundaberg, where most people get hitched after high school, have kids and become pretty large-the highest rate of diabetes and obesity in the country according to a visiting endocrinologist).
Chatted to Yao about obstacles in life, it's a depressing topic. I also told him about the innocence of a 14 year old patient whom I consulted yesterday. She was so bubbly, I remember smiling inwardly as she spoke, so childlike yet thinking she had everything figured out. Then it hit me that she was a splitting image of me 1o years ago.
I can't believe it's nearly a DECADE since I was a fresh Macrob girl. Wasn't it just yesterday? I was shy then, very naive, very innocent, very eager, wide-eyed and not very confident. The time when living in Singapore was just a distant girly dream, when I had no clue about which career path I wanted to take (think it was graphic design), nor any clue about boys. Yao was a fair bit shorter than me and we all lived under one roof, with mum and dad looking much younger, and a silly but loveable dog named 'guardy' to play with. Our humble house was on a street lined with cherry blosoms that flower and bloom brilliantly in springtime, I remember shaking each tree branch after school and watching the delightful pink petals shower down like in a magical dream.
Gosh, with all these reminiscing about the past, am I joining the chorus of 'old' people who sigh about years gone by? A decade indeed flashed by in an eye blink though.
I sometimes wonder, whether I've been on a journey of self discovery that merely travelled in circles. How often do we look up and realise that we're back right where we've started?
It's so easy to think we're invincible, when we're young and healthy. But really, life is too fragile. I just need to turn up to work to be reminded of this. Seeing old patients motivate me to eat and exercise well. Gotta be more positive, gotta treat this body with respect and make the most of my youth. Many patients tell me the same thing, 'one advice I give you, never ever ever grow old!!' Yeah like that's gonna to happen.
As time flies by, you really start to wonder: what matters? What really matters??? What's the meaning of life if you can't share it with your loved ones? What precious memories will I have of myself 10 years on, what achievements will I have accomplished that will make me feel really proud? I just don't want to watch the hours tick by, day by day, and let it trickle by meaninglessly.
I want it to mean something.

xiao ying @ 11:11 PM.


Friday, October 20, 2006

I love the final hour of the day.
the final minutes are somewhat precious
like you want to hold on to it
just that little while longer...

Before saying goodbye to today,
I like to play some relaxing mood music
close my eyes under the steady warm steam of shower
until I'm all clean and fresh, and smelling great
wrapped in white towel
and then pamper myself
reflecting today and read something inspiring
let my mind drift off
before reaching out,
to switch off
the bedlamp

Goodnight world.

xiao ying @ 10:32 PM.


Monday, October 09, 2006

I'm reclining on a white deckchair facing an aqua pool surrounded by palm trees with a laptop, a glass of bundy cream liqueur and a piece of coconut cream tart beside me. The sun is shining warmly on my back and frankly I have the entire day to myself-luxury of free time to indulge in brainless women's magazines and fantasize about possibilities, dreams and knights in shining armors. Free time alone is a luxury that too often one with a solitary lifestyle fails to recognize in their desire to seek for company. It's lovely though, to realize that I can just kick back, let my mind rest in peace and watch the world go by feeling blessed and rejuvenated in my own company.
I've also experimented cooking, from teriyaki marinated chicken stir-fry to western salads. Took some private lessons on learning to Waltz-I felt like a duck though, because the steps are so different to Latin it's hard refraining myself from moving those hips and pointing my toes down!!
Lately I've been thinking about relationships.
Carrie: "When it comes to relationships, maybe we're all in glass houses, and shouldn't throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down, some are settling and some people refuse to settle
for anything less. Than butterflies..."
Just chatted to some galpals about finding 'the one'. After fluttering about like a social butterful for quite awhile, I'm like a butterfly exhausted of flying and yearn of shelter. The saying always goes that you meet that right person when you stop looking. I wonder where that elusive soulmate of mine is right now. One does grow weary when the journey’s been long and so many Mr-could-be-rights turn out to be Mr Wrongs. But I have faith and I shall continue to try. Sure the foreseeable future may be filled with breathtaking highs and heartbreaking lows, but breath deep and take a leap of faith into the unknown. After all, I prefer to think I'm still that 'glass half full' kind of girl.
Note to myself: from now on, love thyself and don't waste time on dead-end relationships.

xiao ying @ 2:12 PM.


Sunday, October 08, 2006

Went to a Masquerade ball tonight!!! That's the mask and below's the dress I wore to the ball. Like the graphic design? That's me spending hours playing with photoshop, lol, I know I know, got nothing better to do. Argghh!! Exams are coming up yet I haven't even started studying yet!!! Bad girl, bad girl.

xiao ying @ 3:43 AM.


Monday, October 02, 2006

I can still picture the raft paddle scooping and creating gentle ripples on the smooth water surface of the aqua-green Indochina sea. Clouds drift gently across the sky, smiling upon a world that is quiet, gentle and ever so peaceful. Such a blissful moment wishing to be reminisced and captured for eternity...
The above photo reminds me that paradise is never too far away. A friend took that photo of me just yesterday, the day was bright and sunny, perfect for enjoying the surf and the sea at Elliot Heads Beach, Sunshine Coast.

xiao ying @ 10:34 PM.