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Friday, December 30, 2005

Finally! I've set up my video camera so I can 'VIDEO CONFERENCE' on msn!! =D It's so strange watching the other person while you speak, so different to the telephone, but oh so much better!
Yesterday morning I thought I was dying. My heart was beating like crazy and I could feel my whole body burning and joints aching. I was so weak I had trouble sitting up from my bed. During those delirious moment I actually thought that maybe I contracted the bird flu. Funny enough, paranoia set in and I started imagining people steering away from me, isolating me in some dark hospital ward and having my name on the news. I even thought that if I died in this bed, it'll probably take a few days before somebody knows. Haha, stupid thinking. Thank god the Dr said it was just food posioning, hence like my other dear friend, my meal consist of 5 different tablets, water and white rice. Mmmm, YUmmy. Sadly, anything I see in the food court right now that has any resemblance of oiliness would probably induce a vomiting reflex! Yeah, wanna vomit now, been feeling like this all day after consuming food. Hmm, or is it all the tablets that I've been taking?
Even so, I feel soooo much better being back at work today. Reading my friends' blogs and chatting to them on msn makes me come alive and feel human again. It's great getting in touch with the world again (although really, it's only been one day that I haven't seen anyone). Maybe it's the xmas/new year spirit, but whatever dark/depressed mood I fell into 2 days ago is now cheerful again! Whoever's reading this blog, I wish you a fruitful and happy new year!
To my dear friends, I hope you write up a good list of new years resolution before the count down begins, and that you stick to those resolutions =) (Oh, and if you catch me on MSN, we can video conference!)
Speaking of NYE count down, I am hoping to see the fireworks in Singapore and joining their massive parties down near the harbour. But I haven't found anyone to go with me yet :( so not sure if I want to see it alone.

xiao ying @ 11:14 PM.

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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

I woke up this morning shivering not because I was cold. An unpleasant stomache ache and a hour of sleeplessness later, the alarm sounded. Neil's recorded voice of greeting reminded me of where I was and what had happened. He is gone and I'm all alone again. *sob*
The christmas season is over and what a magical fun filled weekend it was spending it together. But the world transforms itself yet again with the alarm clock reminding me that work beckons and I had no choice but drag myself out of bed...

xiao ying @ 2:58 PM.

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Wednesday, December 07, 2005

The water felt refreshing and utterly divine tonight. Night swimming alone has a magical element. As I glided gently cross the water with backstrokes, the overhead night sky sprinkled with stars and a beautiful crescent moon smiled upon me. Air was refreshing and just the right temperature. For those moments, I realized why I came to Singapore in the first place. To gain independence, live life and enjoy it to the fullest. Obstacles are merely just that, once I overcome it, I am stronger.

xiao ying @ 1:46 AM.

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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

It's 11:30pm and I cannot bring myself to fall asleep. The ticking of my alarm clock accompanies me tonight, and the clicking of this laptop keyboard as I type.

I laid in bed, tossed and turned thinking and thinking as melancholy wrapped thickly to my soul like a heavy blanket. All I could hear on the other end of the phone line was the tone engagement, and indecipherable language that perhaps tells me the person on the other end of the line has switched his mobile off. I lay there not knowing what to think, but the accompanying numbness and annoying perpetual alertness.

There is no one I can call now, they are likely to be in their blissful slumber back home. I miss having someone here with me. God my throat hurts, it’s so much harder to be positive and think straight when you are sick. God I miss him. What have I learnt? When you keep busy, you don't
feel lonely, but when you stop, it hits you like a brick wall.

We both went clubbing last weekend. We both had fun, separately with other people. Guilt
Confusion
Frustration
I procrastinated hours on the internet searching for anecdote on the so called LDR.

Ultimately I know, the answer lies somewhere within myself.

xiao ying @ 2:31 AM.

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Monday, December 05, 2005

It's been one week since I arrived at Singapore. It certainly feels like 3 months though. In one week life can change so much. This is almost a different world. Everyday I'm constantly stimulated by different culture and sights. Despite the exhaustion, I feel so refreshed, so stimulated by all the things around me. Fear of the unknown has given way to curiosity and excitement. One day is always different to another when I decided that I did not want to sit around at home moping about not knowing anyone. It's a big city, it's time to take action!
So I started doing things I have never done before, like visiting all these parts of the unknown by myself, and exploring salsa clubs joining classes to attend after work. Wondering around a big city that seems to be buzzing with electricity with far greater night life and shopping that I can ever imagine in Melbourne has been a fun discovery for me. The other day I saw an Indian festival. The worshipping of the budda/Indian gods through the piercing of flesh using giant metal probes far larger than your average knitting needles. This was practiced on both men and women, probes piercing through cheeks, backsides and arms. That was certainly an experience I would never have witnessed back home. What an eye opener! I must admit it did make my stomach feel queasy.
Sigh, what a week it has been. I do feel a lot more settled though. Which is great. Goodnight diary.

xiao ying @ 8:22 PM.

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Today was my first day at work.
For the first time since I arrived at Singapore (I can't believe it's only been 1 week), I cried and cried. While my colleagues went home to their families and husbands, I was heading home to an empty apartment with no one to greet me. To make things worse, I got lost on my way home. Singaporeans are the worst in giving directions, they always give the vaguest response, like go straight, or opposite, purposely to confuse. The thought of resting comfortably in Neil's arms made it even worse, as I stood with tired feet at the pavement as traffic sped by, alone.Like anything, perspectives change everything. So I trained my thoughts to allow myself to feel sad, at the same time think in a different way to make myself enjoy this experience. The freedom I have! I can go anywhere, do whatever I want. But the limitations are working hours and time constraints. It's true. As you mature and learn, you realize how right your parents are, and no matter how constraining and annoying their little rules can be, there is actually some truth behind it.For example: going to sleep early so that I have enough time to sleep and be fresh the next day. Or getting home early so I can properly rest for the next day. (Not what I did today: walking another 4-5 hours around shops wondering aimlessly and wasting time). Perhaps these are the lessons I'm learning through this Singapore experience. Sigh, gotta get up early tomorrow, there's a presentation at 7:45 that I need to attend.
Ok lah, good night.

xiao ying @ 8:19 PM.

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