Sunday, January 29, 2006

You know Chinese New Year in the Lion City is equivalent to the western Christmas when everywhere you go, 'gong xi fa chai' is blaring in the speakers of every store, glitzy decorations and chinese caligraphy pop up on doors and windows in every corner; and strangers suddenly turn friendly (very unsingaporian), and mutter 'happy new year' to you on the street. Best of all, I get 2 days of public holiday!
Celebration with friends include taking photos in the beautifully decorated and extremely crowded chinatown, eating chocolate covered strawberries while gawking at hawker stores, watching kung fu lion dance shows, video conference with loved ones overseas, fireworks and karaoke till the break of dawn, discovering new connections and falling in love with new chinese pop songs...
(view with Unicode UTF-8)

xiao ying @ 11:57 PM.


Thursday, January 26, 2006




Once upon a time I sat on the beach and sang this song. Gazing into the dark ocean with nothing but lights along the shoreline and multitudes of lamps in the eternal night sky, I allowed my melancholy flow with the sound of the waves, as they sang along with me and crashed against the shore. Why this feeling? I still cannot grasp it. No one has really left me, I was always the one who moves on, eternally searching, and searching...
Searching for what?

xiao ying @ 1:11 AM.


Thursday, January 19, 2006

You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you,
but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart,
your mind,
your stomach,
because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.

xiao ying @ 1:11 PM.


Saturday, January 14, 2006

"Rain rain go away, please come back another day..."
As a child who loves the sunshine I used to join in with the other kids and chant that phrase.
But I love tropical rain.
The wet season in the tropics consists of heavy downpour that comes without warning. As the heavy beads of tropical water fell down onto my face, shoulder and drenching my clothes, it didn't feel cold at all. Infact what a refreshing experience, almost poetic. I indulged in that strange new sensation, very much like having a shower with your clothes on. I strolled and watched in bemusement at people running with their hands covering their heads in vain, though still getting as drenched as I was.

xiao ying @ 1:32 PM.


For the second morning in a row I woke up confused about where I was. Both mornings I dreamt that I was back home in Melbourne before the alarm clock went off. It was always about my family, our family business and the anxieties associated with it. Last night I dreamt vividly about the ability to change the future by going back to the past. Exciting and surreal, it's as if I discovered I possess powers like the guy in 'the butterfly effect'. I remember breathing a deep sigh of relief when my parents regained their Seaford Milkbar and that they were stable and at peace again. I pray that soon they will find a successful business.

I wake up to Neil's voice every morning, stored in a form of a cute cartoon rat alarm clock. Hearing his voice in the brings a sense of warmth and reminds me of those good old Melbourne days when we would spend hours of idle times together, sharing almost everything. Since the day we seperated I found myself going through bouts of crying spells, it was embarrassing, even my colleagues saw my red eyes. The first week was the hardest, that was when I got so wrecked with fever I hardly had the energy to get out of bed. Nowadays, I would occassionally feel a pang of loneliness, but I have learnt to handle things on my own and develope that extra layer of skin. It's a steep learning curve becoming totally self dependent in a different country, but deep inside I know it's good for me.

Being single all of a sudden feels strange.

Suddenly I'm getting lots of male attention again, guys from all walks of life wanting my number, dine and dance with me. They like my 'proper' english and chinese accent, does that make me exotic? lol. I suppose it's flattering in way, but it's far from the stability and comfort of being with that special someone. I'm taking care of myself better nowadays, my cooking has improved and I stick to healthy food with plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. I exercise regularly and signed up with a fitness center. In addition to looking better and possessing more energy, I'm discovering a whole new world of meditation, yoga and relaxation. I party hard when I want to, going to new clubs in town and reaping the benefits of 'ladies night' when I can go in for free.
Best part of being young, healthy and free? You can do whatever you like. The world is truly yours to explore and you spend your time however way you want it.

Somehow I feel lucky.

xiao ying @ 1:17 PM.